FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MANAGEMENT SHAKEUP AT DECKER HOUSEHOLD
Jack Tyler Decker Appointed New CEO
AUSTIN, TX (MARCH 6, 2008) -- The Decker Household announced today the arrival of its new CEO, Jack Tyler Decker. A 9-month veteran of fast-growth environments, Jack took control of the family startup on Thursday, March 6 at 5:42PM CT.
In a management shakeup, the 21 inch, 8 lb. 11 oz tycoon appointed Shannon Decker to report directly to him as President of The Household. Shannon's promotion came after hard labor disputes for a few hours just prior to his appointment. Sam Decker, who had worked many years to gain peer status to the new President, has been demoted to special assistant to Shannon and her supporting staff, Kyle and Haley Decker.
Jack had started his 9 month rise to control since June 7…or maybe June 8 or 9, 2007-- analysts cannot confirm the date. Jack had an inside track to the position ever since.
The new CEO is expected to work around the clock. His duties will consist of sleeping, eating 8 meals a day, and making many daily deposits into plastic envelopes. Shannon and Sam, in their new roles, will act quickly on directions from their new boss to achieve his desired career growth. On the day of his arrival, the CEO wasted no time crying out instructions to her new staff, and was already making small deposits.
Jack Decker, with a simple coo and finger suck, immediately got his team to swing into action to support his growth. This hard-working CEO hopes to crawl, eat solid foods, and hold his head up within a few months. Shannon, President of The Decker Household, states, "It will be hard work adapting to the work schedule the boss will give us, but we’re ready. Failure is not an option. We were trained to do this.” Even Kasey, the black fur, four-legged floor cleaner, is expected to "kiss up" to the new boss with a few licks.